last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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