its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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