remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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