Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
