You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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