8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
sex in a hospital.. check
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize