Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
