I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel great
I just peed on a car
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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