planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
