I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
