Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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