come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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