just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
