I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
