marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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