$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
