come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
