he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're a waste of cheezeits
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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