Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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