I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
