in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize