Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
