I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
