Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So many bounce houses so little time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
