it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
