i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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