well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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