There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
