In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
