East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize