That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
