I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize