She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
