dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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