I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
