Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
50% drunk capacity currently
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
