drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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