Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
