You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
