6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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