well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize