my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
