You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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