I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Watching her eat just hurts me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
