you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
it wasn't lemon gatorade
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
