I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
