So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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