you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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