God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
