i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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