is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
