Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
