why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
