I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
