I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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