i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
