It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
