I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
