I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize