He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
