Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
