I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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