I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
