Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
