best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
