it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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