We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
