I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
