We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
