What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
